Observations in October – 2018 – #31Things – Relationship

Relationship is the topic for the day and I have been noticing lately how much my relationships have changed over time.  I really love my husband but our relationship is not quite the same as it was on that day in May when we exchanged our vows overlooking Lake Tahoe.  In some ways it is much stronger given what we have gone through together between his illnesses and having the children.    
My relationship with the kids has changed now too since they are no longer these little babies who depend on my for everything.  
Instead, while they still come to me for advice occasionally, for the most part they are all self-sufficient adults, making their own way in the world.  Sometimes days go by and I don’t talk to them.  I know that’s how it needs to be.

The relationship that is changing the most now though, I think, is the one with my mother and to some extent my sisters.  I wrote about the recent emergency I had with my mom on the bus trip and while things are calm now and she is going to be okay, my sisters and I are communicating a lot more about how to handle my mom and her care.  
Sisters Judy, JoAnne, my mom, me, sister Jaye
 (I never realized how much taller I was than my sisters!  This must have been in my high-heel days!)  

Since I am the one who lives the closest, it is becoming my job to go with her to doctor’s appointments and the like.  Today she told the doctor that I was turning into her mother and that I yell at her!  The doctor told her to listen to me and that I was only doing it because I care about her. 

My sisters Judy and Jaye (we lost JoAnne several years ago) are taking turns calling her every day and we talk with each other and compare notes.  In some ways this is bringing me closer to my sisters since we haven’t always spoken to each other on a regular basis.  Everyone says that mom really looks good for 95 (I think she was 92 or 93 in this picture) and it is true that she has not had very many medical problems until recently.  
Mom continues to say that she doesn’t want to “bother” me with things and I continue to tell her that I would rather she tell me when she first feels something is not right rather than wait until an emergency room visit is necessary.  I try to reassure her that she is not bothering me and that I have time to help her.  Plus, I tell her that I am leading by example.  My kids are watching how I handle things with mom so they will know that when the time comes they may have to help in that way with me and their father.  
I want my mom to remain as independent as possible (she is still living alone and driving) but I don’t want her to be in a position to hurt herself or others.  For now, we’ll take it day by day.
Notice any changes in your relationships?  Have a parent who needs your help?  

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About scr4pl80

I'm a 60-ish, married, mom to 3, creative soul looking to make the world a better place one smile at a time.
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18 Responses to Observations in October – 2018 – #31Things – Relationship

  1. joey says:

    Wow, you ARE really tall! That’s the first time I ever noticed your height. Coulda picked out your smile right away tho!
    I have noticed relationships changing — like I notice the friends I had when my kids were small, that was so much doing things all together, and now we don’t have time like that (cause working, all of us, again).
    I notice my parents are much closer now that my dad has retired. They seem more unified.
    I’m so glad you have your mother and that she’s as healthy as she is. I love that your concern for her brings you girls closer as well. I think we as parents want that, don’t we?
    And your babies all look SO much alike! Same nose in all those baby photos!

    Liked by 1 person

    • scr4pl80 says:

      I don’t think I’m all that tall, just that the rest of the family is short. I’m only 5’4″ or so. Yes, friend relationships too. There are a lot of people who were close friends with us while the kids were growing up and now we never see them. I haven’t even spoken to the girl who was my maid of honor in about 30 years!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Shelley says:

    Aw…hugs to you – a beautiful post about relationships. My heart goes out to you as you work through the challenges of taking care of your mom. She’s so lucky to have you there for her. I adore the line you stated about leading by example for your kids. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. John Holton says:

    We’ve been married 41 years, so you know things have changed between us. Several times, in fact, and always for the better.

    As for caring for mothers, that’s a whole saga…

    Liked by 1 person

    • scr4pl80 says:

      Yes, John. We both have lost our fathers so our moms are even more special to us. Fortunately mine is close by. My husband’s mother lives in Oregon so it is a little more complicated for him.

      Like

  4. This is such a wise insight into how our relationships change over the years. I watched my mom take over the mother role when my grandmother was ill and fighting colon cancer. Gran would snap at my mom, but she’d be so polite and sweet to my mom’s sister (who visited occasionally). I told mom it was because Gran knew Mom was there and she could emotionally respond to her pain and dying process by lashing out because she KNEW mom loved her, was going to care for her, and wasn’t going to leave. I’m sorry the process of switching those roles is hard emotionally, but it’s time and effort well invested. You just have to remember to ask for help when you feel overwhelmed and take time to feed your soul so you have the ability to care for and give. Family dynamics are quirky for everyone. Good luck navigating them! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • scr4pl80 says:

      I suspect you are right about your mom’s attitude. I know my mom tells my sisters I am being mean to her but fortunately they know that she exaggerates so I don’t have to worry about the Senior Protective Agency coming after me – LOL.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s always a hard time when the roles reverse. Hopefully your mother will stay relatively healthy until the very end.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Your mother is beautiful, Janet. My relationship with mine has changed drastically in the past year due to Alzheimer’s. Although her mind has deteriorated, her loving heart remains.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Marie Partney says:

    In his later years my Dad would ask other people (as he was pointing to me) “have you met my Mother?”

    Liked by 1 person

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