July 12 – Reflections
Reflections are a journey backward the way I look at it. I thought I was alone in my search for “days gone by” and I was beginning to think that I was wrong for feeling like there was something missing. After all, I have been married for 30+ years to a really wonderful guy, I have three great children, I am able to work at home for myself at a job I really enjoy doing, so what’s the problem?
Little by little I was getting more and more depressed, lost, unhappy. I was just going through the motions. I decided to try something and joined a group with Susannah Conway called April Love. I did it because I was hoping to get a little more traffic to my blog and perhaps to my Etsy site. I was drawn to the topic of self-love.
It was a marvelous month. I found out that I was not the only one who felt like they had given part of their life away. Some people’s stories were very sad; victims of child abuse and some who had had failed marriages or lost loved ones. But, to my surprise, there were others out there like me! Women who had been married for years, had children, jobs they loved and yet they were feeling that something was missing for them also. I felt a sense that it was possible for me to get back some of the “Janet” I thought was lost. I was hopeful and started to think of ways to refresh myself.
And then my husband’s sciatica kicked up again and he was having a really hard time, two trips to the emergency room in one week and lots of pain, requiring lots of medications. At first he was all I could focus on, but after about a month of caring for him and keeping my work up and the rest of the usual household functions, I could feel myself slipping down that hole again. I was giving myself up.
I was still getting emails from Susannah Conway and Liz Lamoreux and others from the April Love group and in one of the emails, Liz talked about her book “Inner Excavations.” She said that she was going to be leading a free group to do an “Inner Excavate-along,” and her book was going to be on sale! It was like Liz was throwing me a lifeline and I definitely reached out and grabbed hold.
So, the Excavate-Along started last week and I have followed along with the group, doing almost all the prompts.
My intention for this excavation is “Reclaiming Me.”
|I was ME!|
Now, I would not give up being wife, mother, business owner for anything, and I know that no matter how deep I dig on this excavation, I will never be those ages again. I just need to remind myself that I don’t have to give up on everything fun in my life.